Hulk Hogan spent the better part of the ’80s as the single biggest name in professional wrestling.
With his massive, bright crimson, 6’7 ” skeletal system and touch horseshoe mustache, Hulk Hogan embodied american machismo to millions of fans. But after 15 years in the surround, he was n’t getting any younger, and a massive dope scandal revealed that his juiced up torso in truth was running on “ juice. ” Hulk Hogan tearing his shirt. This will come into act late. possibly it was then, in 1995, that Hulk Hogan last came to terms with the mortality of Hulkamania. For indeed many years, he had stood tall as the leader of legions of fans, his “ Hulkamaniacs, ” to whom he extolled the virtues of his three “ demandments ” : education, saying prayers, and eating vitamins. possibly then, in hurt of the still-screaming crowd, he knew it could n’t survive forever.
sol Hulk Hogan did the only thing he could think of to ensure his bequest would last. He released an album. Or possibly he just wanted to make some extra cash, who knows ?
Reasoning apart, Hulk Hogan ‘s Hulk Rules is the goofiest, most unintentionally hilarious album always created. The entire feel is less than 30 minutes long, but somehow it feels much, much longer. We ‘re talking about a full ten tracks, running the genre gamut from rock to kind-of-rap, all of which revolve around Hulk Hogan singing about Hulk Hogan. It ‘s mind blow. So come honkytonk with me into the null of Hulk Hogan ‘s Hulk Rules, as we plumb the bleach blond depth track-by-track :
“Hulkster’s in the House”
Hulk Rules opens precisely how one would expect Hulk Hogan to open an album—with a aspirant rock hymn. Featuring the kind of guitar licks that seem made for commercials wherein action figures smash together, “ Hulkster ‘s in the House ” amps up listeners by describing Hulk Hogan ‘s claim localization as he moves through and destroys a house. ” The Hulkster ‘s in the room / You know he ‘s on the act, ” sings The Wrestling Boot Band in unison. then Hulk Hogan shouts, “ When the going gets bully / The sturdy get rough ! ” Rinse and recur, as Hulk Hogan smashes things. Connecting these disparate sentiments together suggests that possibly Hulk Hogan is destroying the sign of the zodiac in order to cope with inside agitation, efficaciously lashing out with ferocity in reaction to a hard situation. identical deep stuff .
Hulk Hogan is ace american. We know this because he poses in battlefront of flags a batch, and besides because his WWE entrance song is called “ very american. ” As a side notice, the WWE official music video recording for “ real american ” aged laughably ill. It ‘s impossible to watch Hulk Hogan playing an american masthead guitar alongside a overlying persona of Martin Luther King Jr. without thinking about the fact that Hulk Hogan besides said the “ north ” word a wholly crowd on tape. In fact, the WWE purged all citation of him for three years over the whole ordeal. Hulk Hogan – substantial american HD ( Official Video ) www.youtube.com But we ‘re talking about “ American Made ” now, not “ real american. ” And while both songs are straight-up Hulk Hogan-approved injections of flag waving, only “ American Made ” features what seem to be constant America-centric references to actual dope.
While it hits all the undefined “ standing up for freedom ” notes expected of songs of its like, it besides tells us that Hulk Hogan has “ got the red white and blue running through his veins. ” Considering the album directly followed Hulk Hogan ‘s doping scandal, it ‘s fairly certain that Hulk Hogan is saying that steroid hormone use is the top out of patriotism .
imagine if Hulk Hogan tried to do a interpretation of the The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air composition sung, but alternatively of rapping about anything coherent he was just yelling about vitamins and wrestling belts. meanwhile, a woman doing the most stereotyped California emphasis she could muster keeps screeching phrases like, “ OH MY GAHD ” and “ ARE YOU A HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER ? ” This lapp womanhood likely holds the mystery to deciphering the song, but she probably lies buried in Hulk Hogan ‘s backyard.
Read more: Top 10 Best Songs of All Time
“Wrestling Boot Traveling Band”
Jimmy Hart looks precisely like he sounds. As the beginning song on Hulk Rules not to feature Hulk Hogan shouting things, one might mistake “ Wrestling Boot Traveling Band ” for a welcome suspension. It is not. Sung by WWE director Jimmy Hart, who sounds like a unanimously rejected hearing from any temper of American Idol, this spiraling attack at soft-country-beach-rock would be generic if it was n’t borderline unlistenable.
“Bad to the Bone”
Oh God. Jimmy Hart keeps wailing on this one, and his articulation is so, so badly. What villain deluded this poor man into thinking that he could sing, and why did cipher die slam them ? Jimmy sings about a boy ‘s night out wherein everyone is “ bad to the cram, ” or whatever. Again, it could about be considered generic, except Jimmy ‘s voice qualifies as an actual form of torture .
“I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac”
Hulk Hogan- I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac www.youtube.com finally, thankfully, we ‘re back to Hulk Hogan singing. That ‘s a prison term I never thought I ‘d write, but there it is, wholly true. Better however, “ I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac ” is a real standout, possibly tied the shiniest jewel in this muffin of an album.
The precede is that Hulk Hogan is talk-rapping to the hearer about how they, excessively, can become a Hulkamaniac. While 1995 was probably besides former for anyone who actually did want to be a Hulkamaniac ( the sing-songy refrain specifies that Hulkamaniac membership would allow you to “ have fun with your family and friends ” ), presumably all anyone needed to do was not take drugs and say prayers. It ‘s unvoiced to say whether or not Hulk Hogan intended this ironically, considering he would n’t qualify as a Hulkamaniac due to his own dope behavior. besides, Hulk Hogan suggests that listeners respond to drug pushers by telling them outright, “ I want to be a Hulkamaniac. ” honestly, this seems like bad advice .
Hulk Hogan threatens people on a beach for looking at his girlfriend, while Jimmy Hart sings, “ We are the beach patrol ” again and again, like a sentient kazoo. It all sounds weirdly distant, as if none of them were stopping point enough to their mics. The experience of listening to this song is not unlike watching two crazy people having a conversation on the metro .
“Hulk’s the One”
A rightfully incredible track raspily sung by Hulk Hogan ‘s then-wife Linda Bollea, “ Hulk ‘s the One ” is a love ballad explicitly for and about Hulk Hogan. The best separate of this birdcall is the notion that anyone else would ever listen to it willingly .
“Hulkster in Heaven”
Hulk Hogan – Hulkster in Heaven www.youtube.com For any tough guys out there who thought they could finish Hulk Rules without crying, think again. “ Hulkster in Heaven ” is a devastating in memoriam dedicated to a die Hulkamaniac. Hulk Hogan mourns this sports fan in the only way he knows how––by making wrestle references. “ I used to tear my shirt / But now you tore my kernel, ” he says before promising that he ‘ll see them again “ when the Hulkster comes to heaven. ”
On an actually deplorable eminence, this song was obviously inspired by a veridical young Hulk Hogan fan who passed away before he could ever meet his hero, Hulk Hogan. The tragic backstory does n’t stop the actual song from being hilarious, though .
Do n’t be besides sad about “ Hulkster in Heaven, ” because the album is about over and this is the death track. Got tantalum end strong .
If the titular cut deed, “ Hulk Rules, ” did n’t give it away, this is a song about how much Hulk Hogan rules. That ‘s it. Well, that, and exemption. so on a “ WOAHHHH HULKSTER RULES, ” we end our travel, at final.
Read more: The 20 best songs of 2021
The world of Hulk Rules is hard to believe. cipher would be faulted for deciding the wholly album was a frightful fever dream, hallucinated on the verge of death. But if that truly is the case, if Hulk Rules actually is just fabrication, why is the whole album available on YouTube ? Hulk Hogan and The Wrestling Boot Band – hulk Rules ( Full Album ) www.youtube.com